Paper Bag.

I got a 96% on my Sociology exam.
Which means I don't have to take the final, so that's three A's in a row...as long as I did well on my term paper (which I did on what causes deviance in women), I should end up with an A. Whew.



My boyfriend was looking at me today and got a weird look on his face.
J: "Your face is really skinny."
Me: "...thanks?"
J: "Like...you can really see the weight you've lost..."
Me: "Uh...okay? Thanks. Even though that doesn't sound like a compliment."
J: "Are you...I mean, are you eating?"
Me: "Yeah, I'm totally eating. I eat all the time."
J: "Are you...like...throwing up or anything?"
Me: "No, no. My face gets bloated when I do that, so obviously not."

And then I switched the subject.
He says he can tell that I've lost a bunch of weight.
:) :) :)








I hate being on my period.
I ate pizza today.
Really thought I was going to puke, my stomach has definitely shrunk.






The substance abuse program is going well.
I have anger management tomorrow...that should be interesting.


Tegan and Sara are so cute. Listen to em if you haven't already.


Today...well, yesterday, I guess...was me and my boyfriend's 4 month anniversary.
:)
I love him, but I'm sure the reason we aren't having much sex anymore is because I'm a fucking fat ass. 30 more pounds...



I'm going to go eat, puke, and then take a shower.
I need to shave my legs among other things. XD
I am always so exhausted about 3 hours of therapy.
:[









I really want this as a tattoo:

Hurting.

We are officially broken up.
He went through my phone and found out that I thought he was using me for sex.
I feel like I could die.





I haven't eaten much today. I just don't have an appetite.
I want to go to the gym but I don't have the energy.
I kind of just want to sleep...
but I have a Sociology test to study for.






He's bringing over my dress soon.
I feel sick about it.

Dr. Horrible and Sociology.

My boyfriend and I are on a break.
My best friend is in a crazy house because he's schizophrenic.
Temptation Man is in town for the weekend.
I'm on my period.

I don't even know what to say.








I just want to tonight to go really well.
Maybe I'll get drunk two days in a row.
I was puking by a canal.
Beer, wine and jager/diet cokes....it'll getcha.


If you haven't seen The Science of Sleep...get on that.






I'm off to get wasted.

Goodnight, angels.

Falling Out of Love at This Volume.

This is me today.
I decided to put on some extra make-up.
It's incredibly hot where I live.
I feel like a gigantic, bloated whale, so I have a poofy-skirted dress in to hide my gut, black acid ashed skinny jeans, and a mustard yellow sweater with the sleeves rolled up. I'm going to be sweating but at least you can't really tell how fat I am.

Tonight, hanging out with Boyfriend.
We'll see how this goes.
I'm going to feign happiness and maybe it'll happen.
I wonder if he'll even notice.





Update later with lots and lots of pictures.

Fuck.

I don't believe my scale.
I don't believe my scale
I don't believe my scale.


This stupid fucking week of having my period has RUINED ALL OF MY FUCKING PROGRESS.


That is fucking IT.
Water fast for two weeks.

Starting NOW.

My heart hurts.

Worst day ever.
Car got towed.
Had to pay $245.00 to get it back.
Mother is pissed.
I binged.
My boyfriend is still not giving me enough attention.
As a hypothetical question I asked what he would do with his time if we broke up.
His response?
"Go to bars and try to get laid."
My heart absolutely broke.

I feel like crying.










My boyfriend is an ass hole.

Quick Post of Lovely Things.

I'm hungry as hell, so I'm posting to avoid walking downstairs and binging.










I am feeling incredibly needy today. I just want to be hugged and snuggled and loved on, but at the same time, I don't want to be touched. And I'm trying to protect myself because my shut off boyfriend is so...unpredictable. This feels really lonely.








To distract myself further, I'm going to do some studying. I'm determined to get an A on my next test.

I hate myself today.

Maybe I'll straighten my hair and put on ridiculous amounts of make-up.
Or maybe I'll just go to sleep.


More later.

Lydia Golightly emerges...

CW: 141.2lbs (3:23am)
HW: 159.8lbs
LW: 125.0lbs
GW: 100.0lbs
BMI: 21.5 (normal)
Goal BMI: 15.2

Height: 5'8"
Waist: 28-29 (BDG or Lux jeans)


How many of these have I started since I was 14 years old? I can't even count them. Oh well, here goes another try. But this one is different. I'm not telling any former ana friends or anyone in real life that I'm even on a diet. I did so much better when I kept it an absolute secret and let people wonder.

With a new semester starting, a new boyfriend (I can't believe he even wants to touch me) and planning my life out...being almost 23, I am nowhere near the place I should be. However, I'm not going to think about all of the former failure.

I am determined to be gorgeous.



I am determined to become incredibly feminine.



I am determined to be envied.




Let's be friends.
Let's help each other get thinner.
Goodbye forever to who I was...
and Hello to Lydia Golightly.

xo.