High.

I started therapy today. It's an incredibly intensive program called Pathways to Recovery. I will hopefully meet with the psychiatrist tomorrow so I can get a diagnosis and get on some medication for all of my personality disorder shit. I have to go every single day for 3 hours, and then 3 days a week I have to go to a 12-step program meeting. I'm interested in going to the self-injury/anxiety/depression meeting and the Co-Dependency one, but not so much the AA or NA. I don't belong there, and one of my counselors has already noticed and may switch me over to something called C.O.R.E. instead of what I'm in which is Paths. I just want to get some therapy and medication so I'm not so miserable all the time. You get it.




I am on my period...AGAIN.
This is the third time this month, I think.
It's because I started birth control and then had sex a few days into taking it, so I got all paranoid and took Plan B.
I can't go through another abortion. Who knows if I can even get pregnant again...I can't think about that right now. I'm feeling fragile.




I stole three Vicodin from my mom today to deal with my life.
I am still high and want to sleep...
but I still have to study for my Sociology test tomorrow.












I had a grilled cheese sandwich today, that's it.
Still no appetite.
And this is gross, but I had the WORST GAS today. Not smelly at all, but just a TON.




I really need to go shopping.

I really, really wish I had someone to pay for all my shopping and take me out to dinner. I wish both my boyfriend and I weren't so fucking broke.
















I need something new and exciting to happen.
I need a present.
I need seduction.
I need...I need...I need.












I really wish my boyfriend would surprise me right now and just grab my face, run his fingers through my hair, and kiss me soft and long. I want him to kiss me without expecting me to go down on him or have sex with him. I love doing both of those things but I miss the days when someone would kiss me so sweetly...but I shouldn't be thinking about that stuff. I love my boyfriend and I only want him. (Believe me, this is a new feeling for me.) But I just really need some affection and for him to make love to me. I hate saying that because it embarrasses me, or makes me uncomfortable putting it that way. But I really, really need him like that right now. I'm tired of fucking.